You said no technology, yet the unmistakable glow of blue light floods her room. She’s all “yes ma’am” to your face and then doing the exact opposite of what you said behind your back. Sound familiar? Few things are more frustrating for a parent than a sneaky kid.

Before you follow your gut instinct to bust her in the act of sneaking or lying—pause. Psychology studies show that kids are greatly motivated by their own self-placed guilt, and actually learn from their mistakes so as not to repeat the wrongdoing. Drop a subtle “I can’t find my iPad and I need it for my big meeting!” Give her the chance to self-regulate and come clean.

When she inevitably tells the truth, recognize her honesty and remind her that God sees her humility too.

Listen to the Raising Godly Girls Minute with Patti Garibay: